I had words with our beloved Billy "I’m not an all-rounder" Trevett concerning the insertion of an article purporting to be from me. Having read such article I can only describe it as a banal attempt at humour, questioning the sexuality of certain players and in particular one Mr. Moxham. The article certainly was not funny and the writer’s selection of the best players of the last decade was suggestive of having derived from a Dorchester supporter or player and obviously not from anyone who knows anything about cricket at all. The writer did not even have the balls to state who he/she is. The only indication of identity we have is an email originating from Powerhouse Motorcycles in Weymouth. This being said, a copy of the article has now been sent to Gay Times and Mr. Moxham’s Solicitors, both of whom would be delighted to meet the author! In addition I shall be looking for sponsorship from Powerhouse Motorcycles for mentioning their company in my hallowed pages

Enough said! I was going to give my thoughts about umpires this week, but following recent events at an evening league match I decided to change the subject to that of captaincy. Why? Because it is my article and I can do what I bloody well please! In addition the incident the other night proved that once again Dicko is not only an idiot at times, but occasionally goes to great lengths to prove it. Those of you there will know what I am talking about and those of you who were not - tough. This article is not aimed at any one person or captain in particular, but attempts to give an honest appraisal of the art of captaining a side on the field. First let me say that I am well aware that the role is a thankless one and that more work is carried out off the field by the well intentioned skipper than is ever given credit for, but the choice to accept the position was yours so stop bloody complaining and just read on.

Over the past 27 years I have played under many captains at Weymouth and Portland. The best I would have to say was John Crabb. Crabby had all the qualities a good skipper needed. He talked to his players, asked for advice on occasions, but was ever afraid to make a decision, no matter how unpopular the decision might have been. Crabby could also lead from the front, being a classy slow bowler, stylish batsman and remarkable close catcher. This alone ensured the players had confidence in their captain and his ability. Not only that but Crabby made the players believe in themselves constantly reinforcing his belief and confidence in their abilities. But to me the thing that stood out the most was John’s determination to win and his belief that no opposition was better than his side! That does not mean that his side won every game, far from it, but the side won many tight games purely based on the mind-set that John instilled into his players.

If Crabby had one fault it was that he found it hard integrating boys into an adult side and as such his pastoral care of young players was not always the best. Whereas John epitomises the best in a captain, John Cake had to be one of the worst. I say this because after twenty seven years the only memories I have of him on the field are bad ones. It can hardly be effective captaincy to make your young players field at Fine Leg and Third Man, both ends at Redlands, despite their keenness and reward them by not bowling them of batting them at number 11 even in friendlies. Still without that education I would have had to name somebody else as the worst captain ever. So well done John.

Most of you reading this will probably be thinking: “So what Dicko, you haven’t really told us anything. Indeed all you’ve done is go on about your past”. Precisely, it is only through experience that you can gain the skills required. I will try to elucidate these skills below.

• Want the Job – It is no good wanting to be the captain purely for kudos. Have you got something to offer? If so what?
• Determination – Do you want to win? If not stick to playing tiddlywinks against your cat. You must believe you can beat everyone. If not stay at home and give the opposition the points.
• Know your team and strategy you want to play - Its no use adopting the same tactics for an evening league match as you do for the weekend (sorry Stumpy). You need to think of each member of your side as a flexible asset with varying strengths and weaknesses and use them accordingly in the appropriate situation.
• Get used to being a Bastard – You are never going to please everyone all the time, even if you win every game, but if you are honest with people and take the time to talk to them you will gain respect. This was a major failing of Colin Graham at Weymouth. Colin was a brilliant batsman and fielder, but was a poor captain because he was reticent to talk to his players on the pitch. Remember respect is earned, not a given right.
• Know your opposition – We play against the same teams over and over again. Do you know their weaknesses? If not why not? Watch the game; make notes if necessary and next year you will. What is worse however is knowing a players weakness and doing nothing about it.
• Try to improve your own game - Nothing looks better than the captain saving the game with a tidy spell of bowling, a class innings, or a tidy session behind the stumps
• Be honest with yourself – If you do not know or understand something, ask, people will be willing to help and offer supportive advice albeit sarcastically

Can you as a captain honestly say you are strong in all of the above? If not I hope this list will give you food for thought. You are never to old to learn something new about this wonderful game of ours. It is an honour and privilege to be a captain of a side and if you do not feel this are you really the person for the job?

Next week I shall hopefully be looking at umpires and the poor standards we accept. However, if something else crops up I reserve the right to change this.