Jonah, Fish, Three Seats, Fitz, Jupitus, Russell Grant, Jeremy Spake, The Big Smoke, Cæsar, London Beat, Rasta, Elvis, Darius, Triple-D-Man, XXXL, Susan, Big Sue

Likes short-pitched bowling. Rarely hits the ball off the square and lacks power for a player of his immense size. Lack of tactical and man-management ability, hopefully he has had his only stint as captain. Can, at times, be a surprisingly effective strike bowler.

After returning to Weymouth from the Big Smoke, Jones is finding life tough to cope with. Has considered many careers including: working on TV with animals, doctor, vet, radiographer, postman, road sweeper, Airline Pilot (747's or Concorde only), computer programmer, lab technician (with the aim of landing a research position), mystery shopper, CCTV operator or to do some casual labouring.

Until recently he was training to be a Dental Technician with the aim of traveling the world moulding teeth on a freelance basis, but now has his sights set on sports psychology or to work as an Amsterdam coffee shop waiter. Once applied to be a trainee Air Traffic Controller and if that doesn't pan out, he views accountancy as a viable option. Now has his sights sets on child care, mainly infants with a view to move up the ladder to junior school level and beyond.

Secretly envied Stewkesbury's position in the club hierarchy and looked to replace him as captain, but to retain his services as general team manager. Now looks "up" to Grant Neven as source of inspiration, and is an avid reader of Neville's Notes. Told if he does not lose 100lbs he will die. Likes fun music; Boney M, Chic etc. Massive fan of Lambchop and Zero 7 after seeing both in concert.

Likes Whittle and Tim Vine in general, also Fist Of Fun. Used to own a 24th Commando waterproof. Is a compulsive liar. Favourite film; Dr./Mr. Nutty, Third World Cop and anything starring Di Caprio or Van Damme. Also a big fan of psychological thrillers. Wants to travel mainland Europe and play on the European PGA Tour as soon as he turns pro.

Sees himself as a West Indian trapped in a Englishman's body. Opposed to the long-cancelled Black and White Minstrels show, though he only objects to the songs from the Deep South that make up the bulk of the performance. Plans a daring (and probably highly illegal) import/export business in cannabis seeds. Looking to start his own T-shirt design company using iron-on transfers, and his Gadzooks! line has already gained rave reviews from Stella McCartney and Versace.

"Unlutty", "Stigmata is a 1970's remake of the Exorcist.", "That's no skin off my teeth/bones.", "You can't keep a domestic animal as a pet.", "Ears have walls.", "Would you like to try some hashish Doidge?", "You can earn £185 a week labouring, so with two weeks work I'm off to America", "Et tu Stewkesbury?", "Most criminals in Neighbours have double-barrelled surnames, such as Kev Kelly, Barry Burke and Mitch Mitchell", "I bet Elenor had to pay for it in Amsterdam", "Gadzooks!", "This art package is very, very limited", "Sorry Stumps, I can't be bothered with cricket, I'm getting stoned this weekend"