Quayler, TQ, The Professor, The Doc, Pathfinder, Mad Matlowe, Anthony, Screw, Howling Mad Murdoch, Bergerac, The Mad Hatter, The March Hare

Once a Matlowe, always a Matlowe. Reliable run-scorer in the top order. Capable, if unspectacular, wicketkeeper. Interesting bowling style. Loyal and valuable servant to the Club both on and off the field.

Although he used to make a 300 mile round trip each week to Evesham, Worcestershire, the roads of Dorset remain a mystery to him. During one away trip he took a 40 mile detour when en route to Sturminster Marshall. Knows how to injure a man without making a sound or any visible marks. Now stationed back on Portland so that Triangle can once again benefit from his unbridled enthusiasm.

Has yet to receive his cricket helmet from Belgium, ordered nearly a decade ago. Has a love/hate relationship with Simon Browne. Claims he hasn't scored a run since Simon Browne took the price tag off his bat. Avid bidder at NATO auctions, paid BF10 for a pair of sunglasses; was also looking to bid for a bag of gold, ended up with a mixed assortment of broken watches and cufflinks after getting the lot numbers mixed up.

Name his cars René and Jody. Once had a fire break out spontaneously in the boot of his car at Kinson Manor, the home of Suttoners. Only buys petrol at Tescos so he can top up Clubcard points. Believes a character called Mr Maroso appears at some time in all cartoons.

Played for S.H.A.P.E. C.C. (Supreme Headquarters of the Allied Powers of Europe). Avid fundraiser for the club, holds sweepstakes for his next baby's birth-weight. Has four daughters, but really wants a son. Doesn't like batting at number 3 early in the season, swears he has and will never score a run in July. Hit 42 in the first week of July in 2001, but claimed he thought it was still June. Contributed 25 runs to a club record partnership of 172 for the second wicket with Jon Dixon (208) in 2006.

"Aren't we playing in Sturminster Newton then?", "Where's Sturminster Marshall?", "What's a muff burger?", "Come on Jody, let's get these lads home", "You all know who Mr Maroso is", "Get Daddy home Jody", "Daddy doesn't need this at the moment Jody", "I know exactly how to wind Graham up", "Don't worry boys, Pete Laming's back next week"