Trevett's Teas 2002

 

"To capture the essence of a good tea is not to merely arrange the assorted bonbons and sweetmeats on silver platters but to somehow provide a tantlising taste of unbidden pleasures, a glimpse of the ambrosia and nectar of the gods, coupled with a perfectly brewed beverage, be it assam, darjeeling or even a cheeky little Earl Grey. Here we salute or condemn those purveyors of Dorset's cricket food fare, after a stern examination of their wares, reaching conclusions that will redefine the concept of food. Go, eat and be merry..."

 

The Ratings System Explained

This is not tea, this at best is lunch, go now - your local fried chicken establishment needs you

You need to get some tips from Mrs. Stewkesbury
Well not bad Fern, but you should have done something with those bell peppers
Almost there, perhaps your cherry on the bakewell is a little dry or your orange juice on the tart side of sweet
Fantastiche! We have glimpsed Eldorado, even the great Ron Warner in his heyday only approached these peaks. Your name shall be put forward to Winner's Dinners.
 

Venue:

Old Boys Vs PRT XI, Reforne 15th September 2002

Presentation

Angular and ordered

Selection

Good choice of sandwiches and no packet ham, though the tuna fish snags contained cucumber much to the editor's distaste

Quality

A good standard

Taste

Flavoursome, especially the Mrs Males 'Full flavour, high in cocoa (low in cheap and nasty cooking chocolate) Chocolate cake'

Tea

As ever, tasting of tea with just the addition of milk and sometimes sugar

Overall

Venue:

Stalbridge @ Reforne, 24th August 2002 (Reviewed by J. F. Ryan 1st XI skipper)

Presentation

None, the table cloth looked more appetising

Selection

None, a grey mass of grey

Quality

None (limp, tasteless, soggy sandwiches, and we want even start on what were termed 'cakes'

Taste

Worse than nothing

Tea

No! "That was the worst tea, the worst tea, and you can put me on record saying that it was the worst tea, the absolute very worst tea I've ever tasted!"

Overall

0.0001

Venue:

Parley, Dean Park, Saturday 17th August 2002

Presentation

Splendid, trestle tables with a twist

Selection

Broad as the ocean and as deep as the sea

Quality

High, separate tables for pastries and savouries, real cream and not that muck out of a can, bread moist but not damp; and not Kingsmill Gold

Taste

Everything in its right place

Tea

Copious and earthy; perfect

Overall

Venue:

80th Anniversary Celebration Match, Reforne, 28th June 2002

Presentation

As ever on a table, rectangular, and laid out with consummate ease, the work of a professional

Selection

Extensive Mrs S. collaboration with Mrs Males, there was talk of this being one of the fabled twenty five pounders

Quality

Strong, though the anaemic sausages were somewhat disappointing, though that's the way the ginger biscuit likes them; a nice piece of damp, clammy meat, not too big.

Taste

Capital, capital

Tea

A strong brew

Overall

Venue:

Parley (though played at Winton Oval), Sunday 2nd June 2002. Time: After 45 overs

Presentation

Fine, on plates, sandwiches with sandwiches, cakes with cakes

Selection

Varied, a good range of sandwiches reinforced with an eclectic pastry selection. JR was delighted to see Mini Mowbrays were available.

Quality

At times exceptional, surpassing the humble surroundings with a wide variety of fillings encased in the finest white sliced loaf, including the previously, only believed to be filling of legend, real prawns in mayonnaise, Dave Males rose from his slumber to conquer another roll on more than one occasion

Taste

Nearly everyone was pleased, though to see a lot of the tea go to waste was somewhat disappointing

Tea

Perfectly good, and ably poured

Overall

Venue:

Broadstone, June 1st 2002. Teatime

Presentation

Rather slow in being presented although the sandwiches wrapped in greaseproof paper were a throwback to yesteryear

Selection

Once it was all there not bad, though no brown bread in evidence and a narrow range of pastries

Quality

As expected in the Premier League, the French Fancies were well received though the scorer bemoaned the lack of cakes when he attempted to procure some near the cessation of the tea interval

Taste

Good, engaging both the sweet and sour sections of the tongue

Tea

Fine, although the reviewer only had a few sips before the cup was cruelly snatched from his grasp by a thirsty and soon to be verbally abused Club Captain.

Overall

Venue:

Shillingstone, 25th May 2002. Time: 17:00 (BST)

Presentation

Well done, plates were used throughout and tea was supplied to order

Selection

Perhaps the sandwiches lacked in variety but the cakes more than made up for this with something to cater for every palette

Quality

Good, straight from the country kitchen, Mrs Beaton would have been best pleased.

Taste

Very good, and everyone including scorer, scorer's substitute and auxiliary transport driver were well catered for, the ladies were friendly and had an extensive knowledge of pastries, especially those ones, as erstwhile batsman "Stonewall was a little too hasty" Jones pointed out, "With the chocolate pellets on."

Tea

Not brewed in the cup but in a centuries old pot, creating a real hint of future glories and love's lost in the tea leaves.

Overall

Venue:

The Delph, Broadstone Sunday 19th May, 2002. Time tea was taken: ~16:30 (BST)
Guest Tea Reviewer, A. Morris

Presentation

Nicely laid out even though space was at a premium.

Selection

Good selection of sandwich fillings (ham, egg, cheese & pickle and ham & pickle), sausage rolls, homemade cupcakes, and melon slices were a nice touch. Nibbles in the form of peanuts and breadsticks met with mass approval.

Quality

Very neatly cut sandwiches and well filled, melon slices just the right ripeness, and Penguins hadn't melted. Fruit cakes had plenty of currants.

Taste

Sandwiches full of flavour, and not a burnt sausage roll in sight. Cakes were nice and moist and tasty.

Tea

Good sized mugs of freshly-brewed tea, though Neven objected to the Teddy Bear designs.

Overall

Venue:

Reforne, Sunday 12th May, 2002. Time tea was taken: ~16:30 (BST)
Guest Tea Reviewer, A. Morris

Presentation

Even with one bad hand, Martin excelled himself, obviously his dear wife has schooled him well.

Selection

Something for everyone, including ham & cheese sandwiches, double fillings! Good cake selection and with chocolate fingers you can't go wrong.

Quality

Hewson really outdid himself here, the egg mayonnaise as ever was superb, the chocolate cake sublime, and the quiche was cooked to perfection from the packet. Stewkes again piped up from the scoring section about the amount of Asda boxes he saw being opened, but you couldn't find fault.

Taste

Excellent, I know Trevett doesn't approve (but he's not here, and doesn't eat them anyway), but ham sandwiches really should have mustard. Despite this, a triumph, as testified by the Duke going back for thirds and no complaints from Doidge. If this is a sign of things to come, then we can only hope Martin's wrist takes longer to heal, but he shouldn't let this minor success go to his head.

Tea

Just the right amount of milk in the cups and a hearty brew.

Overall

*

* point deducted after it was discovered M. Hewson went over budget

Venue:

Reforne, Saturday 11th May, 2002. Time tea was taken: 17:00ish(BST)
Guest Tea Reviewer, A. Morris

Presentation

Mrs. Stewkesbury laid out the spread, and all was where you'd expect it.

Selection

A good selection of sweets and savouries, good assortment of sandwich fillings and in quarters, W. Trevett would approve.

Quality

Stewkes was very scathing of this section, as he said the Terri Davey supplied fare sacrificed "quantity over quality". On the whole, not bad.

Taste

Pizza slices weren't burnt, which is always a bonus. Tuna sandwiches not soggy, overall fairly tasty.

Tea

Hot, not stewed, what else can you ask for?

Overall

Venue:

Suttoners, Sunday 5th May, 2002. Time tea was taken: Around tea time (BST)

Presentation

Wet plates, a variety of cups, tea sold sight unseen

Selection

Overall a good spread, although the editor must ask the tea makers of Dorset to please, please cut your sandwiches into quarters and not halves.

Quality

Not bad really, Stewkes loved the chocolate covered doughnuts and as he said he "did a bakers" (13)

Taste

Good, the sandwiches were well constructed affairs, although again in halves and not quarters. Nice selection of cakes or patisseries as Jan prefers to call them

Tea

According to J. Davey the tea was anaemic, to everyone else fine

Overall

Venue:

Dorchester, Saturday 4th May, 2002. Time tea was taken: Tea time (BST)

Presentation

Rather nice, the fruit selection was an eye-pleaser

Selection

Varied, though not extensive. The rating takes into account the after match provender provided by the Duke of Cornwall; fries, franks, baps and condiments.

Quality

Middling to moderate

Taste

There was a discernable taste, it generally tasted what it looked like

Tea

Good, though the cups were rather small

Overall

Venue:

Reforne, Saturday 4th May, 2002. Time tea was taken: Around 15:30 hours (BST)

Presentation

Impeccable layout as ever from Mrs. Stewkesbury.

Selection

Good array of sandwich fillings (ham, tuna & egg mayonnaise), backed up by finger food and various cakes.

Quality

All sandwiches homemade, along with the sponge cake, and scones, but surely there weren't some shop-bought, packet cup-cakes, were there Mrs. S? (This may have been down to the short notice given by Captain G. Neven)

Taste

Sandwiches were tasty, as were the cake and scones. Doidge and J. Trevett objected to the chicken nuggets, but otherwise all was well.

Tea

Hot, refreshing and flavoursome, all a cup of tea should be.

Overall

Venue:

Reforne, Sunday 28th April, 2002. Time tea was taken: Around 17:00 hours (BST)

Presentation

Mrs Hewson was not helped by husband's carefree approach, although sandwiches were a perfect fit on their trays.

Selection

Good selection of sandwiches, over five different fillings in both brown and white bread (though there are some spurious claims that the ham lacked mustard, philistines!), good selection of cakes, and chocolate fingers were appreciated by all

Quality

Good quality, didn't see M&S but then what do you expect, plenty to go round

Taste

Sandwiches very nice, especially the egg (mayonnaise M. Hewson), it would have been nice if all present had waited until everyone was ready (G. Elenor please take note)

Tea

Excellent, hot, steaming and from clean cups

Overall