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Portland Red Triangle CC

Founded 1922


The 1st Annual PRT Pirates Tour Awards 2016


The Pirates embarked on their first tour to the English Riviera town of Torquay, aboard the good ship Dorset Vehicle Rentals, and emerged victorious (1 game played, 1 win).

Following any successful voyage, the booty from all the pillaging has to be divided amongst the crew, though some members have secured a bigger share of the treasure than others...

Careful Driving Award:

Tony Quayle - he left no kerb unclipped, as well a firm commitment to tailgating and late braking (though he did well to reverse into a narrow parking space)

DIY SOS Award:

Michael Colebrook - managed to break a window by attempting to open it (this somehow resulted in getting a room upgrade)

Lord of the Dance Award:

Michael Colebrook - for being first on the dance floor and last one off

Best Pirate Costume:

Paul Sapsworth - a top-notch effort of a full pirate outfit, including long coat.
Squeaker Browne, Tony Quayle

Karaoke Kings:

Michael Colebrooke & Tyler Penny (duet) - implored each other, in the words of Passenger, to "Let Her Go", while as Squeaker observed they were "crooning into each others eyes"

(Click picture for larger image, thanks to Colin Ashworth for the photo)

Tony Quayle - "My Way", John Hancock, Paul Sapsworth, Michael Colebrook (solo), Matt Randell & Jon Cameron

Quote of the Weekend:

Matt Randell - described John Hancock as looking like a "butch lesbian" after he had added TQ's clip-on earring to his own pirate ensemble
Tyler and Michael, "That wasn't a love song... was it?"
Amy Biddle, on spotting Stewkes' open luggage before departure: "Are you taking your own bedsheets?" - it was one of his shirts.

Cardinal Chunder Award:

Matt "Pukahontas" Randell - started when the minibus left Torquay, finally stopped in West Bay
Michael Colebrook - held out until TQ took a bumpy stretch at full speed

Tap Out Award:

Richard Stewkesbury - after regaling everyone pre-tour with his exploits on previous excursions with Portland and Weymouth, he was regularly amongst the first to withdraw from the frontline of the drinking battlefield in order to get tucked in before midnight.

Time-keeping Award:

Paul Sapsworth & Tony Morris - for being just 1 hour late for breakfast on Saturday

Bargain Hunter Award:

Squeaker Browne - picked up a shirt for only £1 at Primarni
Michael Colebrook - took advantage of a 10% flash sale at Poundland to stock up on supplies
Tony Quayle - successfully haggled with a charity stall at West Bay's car boot sale to get a child's bike reduced to £10

Chaos Reigns Award:

Tony Quayle - completely confused a waiter when asking for a separate drinks and food bill in the most abstract way possible
Tony Quayle - for overcomplicating a simple forfeits game on the first night

Picky Eater Award:

Tyler Penny - ordered chicken nuggets and chips at the curry house, he doesn't do spicy
Jon Cameron - for discarding anything that looked like salad

I'm Not Satisfied Award:

Jon Cameron - sent back his Tex Mex burger at Wetherspoons as it didn't contain the chilli con carne as advertised, though not before removing any salad items. A fresh burger, now topped with chilli, came with more salad.

Oddest Revelation Award:

Jon Cameron - saying he would like to experience a controlled water-boarding, "I don't think it would be that bad"
Colin Ashworth - "Raw onions and tomatoes freak me out"

The Fine Line Between Bravery and Stupidity Award:

Tony Quayle - for ordering the hottest curry containing Dorset Naga chillis, ignoring the restaurant's warning on the menu

Safe Hands Award:

Colin Ashworth - for managing to spill his pint over himself when handing back his menu to the waiter

Cause and Effect Award:

Tony Quayle - for the rivers of sweat streaming down his face after that first mouthful of curry.

(Click picture for larger image, thanks to Jon Cameron for the photo)

Cause and Effect Award II:

Tony Quayle - ordered another pint of lager, with a side of water with lots of ice after that first mouthful

Man vs. Food Award:

Tony Quayle - eventually cleaned his plate of molten lava

The Fine Line Between Bravery and Stupidity Award II:

Tony Quayle - eating not just the bay leaf, but also the cinnamon stick from his curry

I'm Not Satisfied Award II:

Tony Quayle - complained to the waiter, not about the heat of his curry, but the fact the sauce contained tomatoes and that wasn't listed on the menu

I'm Not Satisfied Award III:

Tony Quayle - complained the following morning to the hotel manager (who had recommended the curry house) that his curry contained tomatoes and was a bit spicy.

Englishman Abroad Award:

Richard Stewkesbury - dressed to kill for his trip to Paignton Zoo, wearing his "I only drink beer when the day ends in Y" t-shirt, pedal pusher shorts, brown socks pulled up to mid-calf and trainers, topped off with a straw sun hat

Cricket Awards

Six Hitting Award:

Matt Randell - blasted his way to retirement on 54* with some lusty shots over the ropes.
Tyler Penny (after he changed bats), John Hancock

Spirit of Cricket Award:

Michael Colebrook - getting a wicket with his first ball, and ball of the day, an inswinging yorker, but then indirectly gave the batsman a send-off leading to his recall to the crease.
Tony Quayle - clearly edged behind, but didn't walk claiming it had hit his foam cutlass that was nowhere near the ball.

Catch of the Day:

Tyler Penny - leapt like a salmon to take a great catch in the 8 man slip cordon