Graham Elenor
Position RHB Forceful Lower Order, Right Arm Medium
Birthplace Portland
Aliases

Grmm, Elly, Gray, Raptor, The Bronze Bullet, Svengalli, Odds On, Bookies, Greyhound, Triangle Spokesman, Triangle Club Captain, Captain Martin Hewson, Dirtbag, Dirty Old Man, Whippet, JJ, Dutch, Mr. Pastry, Alan Whicker

Height 5'9"
Weight 175lbs.
Favourite Food:

Chicken in a basket, Fricky Dickies (click here to see picture) & a fistful of cherry tomatoes and pickled onions.

Name yer Poison Falstaff (or when in Holland, Weißbier), Gluhwein
Stewkes' Pen Picture

Miserable old legend. Finding it increasingly difficult to maintain fitness in his right shoulder. Can be a useful tail-end batsman. Not renowned for his generosity.

1982 Pen Picture:

A medium to occasionally fast right-hand bowler, capable of moving the ball in the air and off the pitch, Graham is a Portland character in the making. Renowned for his generosity and his batting ability in the lower order.

Other Information

Became a local literary superstar as a result of his weekly betting tips column in the Dorset Echo, subtitled "The Roadmap To Your Life" (no longer in print). Claims it is an original production but rumours abound that its genesis occurs late on a Sunday evening in the George Inn. Also hired by the chief sports writer to report on point-to-point meetings across the Wessex region, though is rarely credited for his work. Close personal friend of former English Premier League and International referee, Paul Durkin.

Currently penning a sitcom based on his times working in the now defunct Wyke Racing, provisionally called "The Tote". He's hopeful that it will rekindle the fortunes of 1990's double act Hale & Pace, with Norman lined up to play the lead role of the downtrodden bookie and Gareth as his hapless sidekick.

Poached in his youth by Abbotsbury Cricket Club, who he played for 6 seasons, then moved on to at least 2 other unnamed clubs, who disbanded shortly after he left them. Excellent clutch bowler and has saved many games in the last over with a combination of flight and guile. Has deadly allergic reaction to any mixing of beer and chocolate.

Blames Doidge Jnr. for a multitude of sins, most of them occurring after Dog has surrendered his wicket meekly. Has an encyclopædic knowledge of the red light districts of both Amsterdam and Hamburg, and receives regular updates of any price changes (he knows the exact price in Euros for a "pipey"). Coincidently is probably one of the few people to go to Amsterdam's Red Light District with the intent of finding a bookmaker's.

Won $300 at Las Vegas casinos. Plays a mean air guitar and violin. Attends many meetings. Refutes claims that he can't hold his ale. Considers himself to be a safe and responsible driver. His previous car proudly sported the remains of the hedge he drove through on the infamous trip to Marnhull.

Replaced his old, white, Ford Escort, with a newer, white Ford Escort, but this time it's the 5-door model. Recently fell foul to the long arm of the law, when he was cautioned for driving away from a petrol station without paying. Still struggling to come to terms with the new bonus points system in the Dorset Premier Division.

Left Triangle for pastures new at the end of the 2004 season, and is now currently teaching English to Japanese students in Thailand. Always wary of foreign cultures, especially their food, he has been surviving on a diet of McDonald's and KFC. Returns annually to play Sunday games against his old friends from Corfe Mullen. Took his future spouse on a cultural tour of England, taking in the sights and sounds of 4 football matches, 3 horse racing meetings and 2 nights at the dogs.

Quotes:

"F***ING HELL Doidgey!!", "Banned!", "Meetings, meetings, meetings", "Blackjack is a game based on pontoon", "I haven't had an LBW on a Sunday in 10 years!", "If that's how they want to win the league then let them carry on", "Put this one on ice for tomorrow Chas", "I was just resting my eyelids", "Is anyone going to come back to Slapperstraße with me?", "Their prices are lower than last year, very reasonable indeed", "Do you know that I write a column in the Echo?", "Do you know who I am?", "Sorry officer, I'm sure I remember paying", "You've got to have a bit of interest", "If I'd backed the winners... like I meant to", "Never back the odds-on favourite", "Weymouth had 4 bowling points, 5 batting points, 10 for the win, then add 12 bonus points...so they ended up with 24", "What a numpty", "When I was in... (pick any European city accessible via budget airlines)"