Portland Red Triangle CC

Founded 1922

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Ask Aarron

Professor Aarron Riley’s (Oxon) very special world of lateral (and critical) thinking. In this brief exposition of the great man’s oeuvre you will gain an insight into the workings of one of nature’s most advanced organisms.

By gradually replacing organic matter with synthetic gadgetry, Professor Riley has arrived at a synthesis of the living and mechanical, a glimpse of man’s future perhaps?

The world this individual’s mind inhabits is not unlike our own, with the Earth orbiting a solar body and home to oceans, minerals, flora, and fauna, but the difference, and of course the devil, is in the detail.

You may believe all or some of this premise, or rather take the view that our esteemed colleague and team mate’s provocative proclamations are the fancy of an outrageous imagination. Whatever you should opine, please enjoy...


The Body

Question: What is the Epidermis?
Answer: "It is part of a big bone."

Statement: "The tallest man who has ever lived was 7ft 2in"

English Language & Literature

S. "A verb is a describing word."
"A noun is a doing word."
"An adjective is what you use if you’re writing in the first person."
"An adverb is something that links two words together."

S: " ‘Alfalfa’ in ‘Of Mice and Men’ is the name of the rabbit."

Q. Name the two main families in ‘Romeo and Juliet’.
A. "The Montagues and the Cravats."

Mathematics

Q. What is Pi?
A. "It’s 3.14 - that’s it - there’s no more on the calculator."

S. "When gambling never bet on odds of less than 5-1, always bet on 7-1, and if you only have £5 or £10 then it's not worth betting."

Current Affairs

Q. What is the current Latvian Prime Minister’s name?
A. "Marian Pahars, aka Mr. Latvia."

Q. Who is our current monarch?
A. "It is either Elizabeth IV or Queen Victoria"

History

Q. What are the seven wonders of the ancient world?
A.

  1. The Pyramids in Egypt
  2. The Great Wall of China
  3. The Great Lighthouse out at sea
  4. The Gardens of Hanging Babylon
  5. Buckingham Palace
  6. The Acropolis
  7. St. Paul’s Cathedral
  1. *Hasting’s Wall or possibly Maiden Castle.

*Reserve answer in the unlikely event that any of the previous 7 happened to be incorrect.

Q. What do the stars on the American flag represent?
A. "The 52nd state of Virginia."

Science

S. "Marie Curie invented cancer."
S. "Louis Pasteur invented germ theory."

Q. How far is our planet from the moon?
A. "5,000 light years."

Q. What man made objects can be seen from space?
A. "The oceans, the Great Barrier Reef, the Great Wall of China, and the Millenium Dome."

Popular Culture

S. "The four Beatles were Lennon, McCartney, Ringo, and Paul Malarkey."

Sport

S. "The first F.A. Cup final was played at Hillsborough." 

Religion

Q. Who attended the Last Supper?
A. "Judas, Jacob, Samson, John the Baptist, Matthew and Steve."

Geography

Q. What is the highest mountain on our planet?
A. "Mt. Everest at 3.3 million metres. I don’t know it in feet."

S. The following is a list of countries and their supposed capitals as proffered by our subject:

  • America – Washington
  • Russia – Moscow
  • Iran – Irania
  • Bulgaria – Bulgaria City
  • Hungary – Budapest
  • Peru – Peruvia
  • Zimbabwe – Mugabe City
  • Thailand – Thai City
  • Tanzania – Tasmania
  • China – Ying Yang City

Spelling

S. "I’ve got the spelling age of a twelve year old."

Q. Spell Mississippi.
A. "M-i-u-s-i-s-s-i-p-y"

Q. Spell inconvenience.
A. "I-n-c-o-n-v-i-e-n-c-e."

Q. Spell communist.
A. "C-o-m-u-n-e-s-t."